Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Domo Arigato Mr. Plan O' Extraveganzo: luminescent Sex

Hey, what a great idea! You can buy 15 glow stick bracelets from target for $1 (assuming everyone in your area hasn't already done so, driving supply so low that it forces speculators to compare a mere microgram of precious glowing liquid to the value of pure high phosphorous bat guano: (for those curious).

That's a pretty steep potential price, so I recommend everyone jump on this idea pronto. Let me lay it out for you:

  1. You spend anywhere from $2-$4 on glowsticks, whatever fits your price range. Just so you can get an idea of the value we are talking about here, $118.20, the average yearly salary in Sierra Leone ( will get ya 1773 glow sticks, which would last the average Luminescent Sexer a month.
  2. Rip and tear the clothes off of your lover like a rabid mongoose doing its best to remain polite at a dinner party intended solely for the worlds most wealthy snakes-- S S S S S
  3. Once you are both bare and immodest (orgies and solo masturbation work as well), begin strapping on glowsticks to each others ankles, wrists, thighs, waist, neck, forehead, or wherever else your mind may wander. Note: the more creative, the greater the fun!!
  4. Turn on some Daft Pank.
  5. Sexy Time!!! (sexy time will differ from sexer to sexer)
And there you have it. Follow these guidelines, and find out for yourself why the craze is
growing so rapidly! You'll be a glowing in no time, all the time!

Note: Wearing Daft Punk helmets during intercourse will always increase intimacy, regardless
of luminescence.

1 comment:

  1. haha this is such a great post! You have such a good sense of humor, and those random interesting facts about the average income in Sierra Leone make me feel smarter, and a great depth of admiration for you.